Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
17 year olds will be the death of me.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
