Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Blood and glitter go together right?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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