There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
