I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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