but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
