I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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