I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
