Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
