How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Text me some of your sweat
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
