We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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