I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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