I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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