Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
