all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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