either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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