Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
