Apparently you make a good broom.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
