so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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