I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
