He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Randomize
