went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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