ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
