The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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