Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
