If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
