Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Everclear isn't food dammit
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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