Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
