Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
