Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
