I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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