To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
