i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
