Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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