While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
