1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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