remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
