Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
