So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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