worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
