matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Randomize
