honey bunches of taint.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
