Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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