so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
