So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
