You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
