i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
