DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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