What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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