You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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