filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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