my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Randomize
