we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
