Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I love you. Go after that dick
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
