Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I got inside last night via doggy door
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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