how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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