All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
