Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's never too late to be topless.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
