a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
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