remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
