New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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