You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
