I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
