Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
